Know your personal space and where the end of your burning cigarette is!

One observation we have made since arriving in Europe is that it seems like a greater percentage of the population smokes when compared with America. Of course, this depends on what city/country you are in, and sometimes even in which neighborhoods you find yourself. Things we (as non-smokers) have come to take for granted in the US – like no smoking indoors – are still commonplace elsewhere. In Austria, for example, we find smokers in many cafes and bars. Even when indoor smoking is not permitted, I find I am walking behind an ash cloud more often than when in America.

I don’t like being around cigarettes, but we always find ways to improve our situation. It’s not difficult to just slow down slightly to let a smoker get further ahead so that their second-hand exhale is mostly dispersed by the time we walk through it. A smoker passing while walking in the opposite direction is usually not an issue, however there are a couple of cases that cause me to cringe.

As we walk around, especially in busy areas, we inevitably end up passing a smoker who is carefully holding the lit end away from themselves to prevent getting burnt. But now it’s practically a weapon projecting towards me as I walk by. And you, smoker, are completely oblivious to where the end of that cigarette is located. Nearly every time we walked around while in Dublin, I experienced at least one moment where I had to dodge such a person.

The worst-case scenario involving walking and smoking is what I call the “racket-woman”. We all know them – handbag with short straps over the shoulder, clutched tightly under the arm with enough strength to strangle a polar bear. This in itself is not an issue, maybe a little paranoid, but it’s not affecting me. The issue is in counterbalancing walking with one side completely rigid – the opposite arm must flail madly back and forth, outstretched fully like she is practicing her tennis forehand (thus, the “racket-woman” label). Watch out or she will clothesline you with no ill intent. Place a lit cigarette into the flailing arm and it’s like she’s attempting to scare away a pack of wolves with a burning log. Now try to walk anywhere near this woman with whom you must share the sidewalk.

Of course, I can’t write this post without also addressing e-cigarettes (with perhaps some minor sexism, it’s ok though – I’m a dude). I don’t like any kind of smoking, but what I find really ridiculous is when I see a man vaping some fruity flavored thing. Since the second-hand vapor cloud contains the odor of the vapor, you can’t miss it if you end up walking through it.

Come on. If you are going to smoke, at least own it and smoke a real cigarette, or better yet a cigar or pipe. If you want something fruity, get a lollipop. Don’t be so namby-pamby.

Tom: “Hey man, got a cigarette?”

Bob: “Nah, but you can have a puff from my e-cigarette.”

Tom: “Thanks, that would be awesome.”

Bob: “You’ll really like this one. It’s a vanilla lemongrass passionflower and totally kicks ass.”

Tom: “I’m gonna kick your ass, you pussy.” And proceeds to steal the e-cigarette and jam it into Bob’s eye.

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